After half a day of research, I came to the reluctant conclusion that it's an ornamental version called an asparagus fern. It just didn't look right, and had thorns. Real asparagus doesn't get thorny.
The disappointment is real. I was so hoping that birds had blessed me with asparagus of my own. I was planning where to transplant the crowns so they could have room to do their thing. At least it's attractive, since I probably won't be able to rid the garden of it entirely. I was happy about an invasive species of a vegetable I enjoy and have not been able to grow successfully. Not so much about the inedible, ornamental one.

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